Montana Bears Joining Democrat Party

I was talking to a co-worker the other day about the water controversy in the state of California. You know the story. It's the problem that the environmentalists have created in their efforts to save a sardine size fish that lives in the Sacramento River Delta. They have cut off water to the farmlands of California and turned much of the state into a dust bowl like they had in Oklahoma in the 1930's. The environmentalists are hurting the people, the economy, and the state, and still they haven't figured out how to save this tiny fish. Meanwhile the price of vegetables is rising and we are forced to buy more of our food from foreign countries including China.

Soon our conversation wondered over to the subject of how Man is impacting the behaviour of wild animals such as dear, bears, and wolves, by feeding them in our National Parks. He mentioned that it is now legal to hunt wolves. I reminded him that most wolves are big and bad, like we remember from the story of The Three Little Pigs and Little Red Riding Hood. He rejected my claim that wolves are bad, and we went back to our separate cubicles to work.

When I got back to my desk, I had a new Email from a friend of mine. It was related to the discussion I had just finished and I was amazed at the timing. The Email described the problem created as people are feeding wild animals in our National Parks. The poor animals are becoming dependent on the food they receive from people in the parks, and they have forgotten how to forage for themselves. The Email included the photo below, which shows evidence of this disturbing trend.

Animals such as this black bear, that were previously self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democrat Party. They have learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their needs. In the Email it claimed that the Democrat black bear in Montana, in the above photo, had been nicknamed "Bearack Obearma". I am not sure I believe all of this, but he sure looks helpless sitting there at the table waiting for his dinner.

Why Use Turn Indicators?

The other day I was following a car onto the freeway and I noticed that the driver was not consistent in the use of their turn-indicators. For example when they turned right to enter the freeway “On Ramp” they failed to use their indicators. However, when they were merging into traffic on the freeway they used them. Since that day I have sampled numerous individuals to learn more about why individuals do and do not use their automobile turn-indicators. Here is what I heard:

1 – “I only use my turn-indicators when I know other people are watching.”

2 – “I do not use my turn-indicators until after I start my turn. That way I really know that I am going to turn.”

3 – “Turn-indicators are only for important turns, like when the police are watching.”

4 – “I never use turn-indicators. It is too hard to remember to turn them off.”

5 – “I stopped using them since nobody really pays attention to them when I do use them.”

6 – “Mine don’t work.”

7 – “A friend of mine told me that it is safer not to use them since they sometimes cause accidents.”

8 – “I was taught to drive using hand signals so I never learned to use the electric ones.”

9 – “I didn’t know that they were required.”

10 – “I don’t need them. People can see when I am turning.”

11 – “I have never been in an accident so why start now?”

12 – “The clicking sound annoys my wife.”

13 – “I never drive at night.”

14 – “I don’t need them since I always make sure the way is clear before I turn.”

City of Thousand Oaks Misplaces Highway Bridge

"How could the City of Thousand Oaks lose a million dollar bridge?" you might ask. Well they didn't actually lose it...they just built it in the wrong location. Anyone who has driven over the new bridge knows what I am talking about. For some reason the city built the new bridge about 20 feet north of its intended location. Maybe it was a surveying error. Maybe it was a math error. Maybe the engineer got his plans mixed up. Whatever the reason, after the bridge was completed, the entrance and exit roads had to be modified so that they crossed the bridge. This requires drivers to make a number of "S" turns on the bridge approach as well as when they leave the bridge. And if you cross over the bridge at the posted speed limit you better have driving gloves and a good set of radial tires.

The first photo below is taken as you approach the bridge from the East, heading West towards Lake Sherwood. You can see the bridge off to the right in the photo and in the center of the photo you can see the old road heading off in the distance. As you approach the bridge you must make a hard right turn to enter the bridge and a hard left turn as you exit. In addition, you must pass a right turn only lane which requires an additional left turn as you approach the bridge.

Driving from the West, heading East across the bridge is even more exciting, as shown below. Coming from the Lake Sherwood area you follow a gradual left curve down a hill. At the bottom of the hill you must immediately turn to the right to cross an old narrow bridge (foreground), and then jog to the left to cross the new bridge. Upon exiting the new bridge, you must turn right to get back to the original road and then left to straighten out and proceed down the highway.

In the photo below, the bicyclist is heading in the direction where the old bridge use to be located. If they had built the new bridge where the old bridge used to be, the biker would be able to travel in a straight line across the bridge and join the old road that you can see off in the distance on the other side of the bridge.

Being the civic minded person that I am, I recently contacted the City of Thousand Oaks to discuss the error. The city engineer to whom I spoke was totally unaware of the mistake, and in fact he treated me with great contempt for making such an accusation. I had him get on his computer and look up Google Maps where we zoomed in on the bridge. When he saw the degree of the error his jaw dropped. Together we estimated that the bridge is located about 20 feet to the North of the correct location. In the aerial photo referenced below you can see the white concrete bridge in the center of the photo. It is clear to see that for some reason, the City of Thousand Oaks misplaced their $1M bridge by about half of its width.

(http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=westlake+village+CA++91362&sll=41.450961,-81.922302&sspn=0.09058,0.15398&ie=UTF8&ll=34.143511,-118.857608&spn=0.003237,0.004812&t=k&z=18

Incentive Is A Key To Performance

I was at work the other day when a FedEx deliveryman sauntered in with a package. He casually had the receptionist sign for the package and then he sauntered out. I followed him out to his truck, and began a conversation that went like this:

"Why don't you run like the UPS delivery guys?" I asked.

His response was clear and to the point, "Because they get paid by how many pieces they deliver and FedEx pays me by the hour."

There is no incentive for the FedEx delivery guy to hurry since he doesn't get paid more when he does.

The simple moral to the story is: Incentive is a key to performance.

"The Trees Are Not Indigenous"

Several years ago as a Scoutmaster, I took a small group of young boys on a camping trip. We drove to a location that I had visited myself decades earlier, as a young Boy Scout. I remembered the mountains and the stream that wondered through the camp, surrounded by large towering pine trees. These were wonderful memories and I was excited to have the scouts form similar memories of their own.

When we arrived at the camp I barely recognized it. ALL the huge pine trees had been cut down and replaced with tiny scrub oaks protected from the hungry deer and rabbits by chicken wire cages. The campsite had changed from a cool, shady retreat with the sound of quiet breezes rustling through the pine trees, into a veritable desert, wasteland.

When the camp ranger came to collect our fees, I ask her what had happened to all the trees. Her calm, environmental response sent chills down my back...

"We cut them down because they were not indigenous," she stated.

"What do you mean, 'not indigenous'?" I responded.

"Pine Trees are not indigenous to this area," she replied, as she tried to straighten out the folded dollar bills I had handed her. "That is why we planted those Oak Trees. They ARE indigenous." She explained to me.

"Those trees must have been over a 100 years old!" I emphasized. "Some of these stumps around here are over two feet in diameter!"

She was obviously not impressed with my sincerity as she handed me a receipt and put the money into her pocket. Then she calmly responded, "Or even older," and then walked back to her truck.

Later the next day, after I had taken all the boys home, I made a special visit to the local US National Park office in town. I didn't bother to change out of my Boy Scout uniform, as I thought it would make me look more official. After explaining my complaint to the receptionist behind the counter, I was soon greeted by a 60 year old woman who had obviously survived Woodstock as a young hippie. Her long gray hair lay naturally down over her dark wrinkled neck and partially covered her sun-dried lips. She scanned my uniform with her make-up-less eyes and calmly asked me what I wanted.

I related my story to her about the missing trees and expressed my disbelief that the US National Park Service would cut down those old trees. She gave me the same party line that I had heard from the ranger...

"Pine Trees are not indigenous to that area," she repeated to me.

I started to get angry. "Who are YOU to decide what is or is not indigenous?" I asked her. I soon realized that no amount of logic or reason was going to change her mind. Besides, the trees were already gone and nothing I could say was going to change that sad fact. However, since I had lost the agrument, I figured that there was no harm in leaving my mark on her stubborn, environmental brain. As I prepared to leave, I changed the subject...

"I have hiked all over the Santa Monica mountains and they are so beautiful," I said.

She was touched by this comment and responded, "Oh yes, I certainly do agree with you. I have hiked them as well."

I continued, "Once I found sea-shell fossils near the top of those mountains!"

She sensed my enthusiasm and responded, "I know. I have seen them as well. Aren't they wonderful?"

"I would venture that the entire mountain range was once under water," I suggested.

"You are probably correct," she agreed, her dry lips and wrinkled skin trying to form a difficult smile.

"You know," I began, "Instead of planting those tiny scrub oaks, you should probably be planting seaweed or plankton."

Her dry, cracked smile transformed into an angry frown. "This conversation is OVER!" she growled as she walked off.

"Yes it is," I said quietly to myself. "Yes it is."