After a lengthy investigation, police have arrested a pair of Delta Smelt fish and charged them with conspiring with environmentalists to deprive 25 million Californians of life sustaining drinking water. In addition a second charge was recently added which accuses the pair of conspiring with fish biologists at UC Davis and the Bay Institute to withhold water for 750,000 acres of cropland which produce food for export to starving nations of the world. The two fish are being held without bail pending their arraignment before a federal judge next week.
A large team of lawyers representing the two Delta Smelt fish have been hired by PETA and members of the ACLU to defend the tiny fish at all costs. Lead lawyer for the ACLU, Noah Respawnski, held an early morning press conference and leveled his first volley against those who are holding his clients when he said, “My clients are innocent of the charges that have been made against them. I am confident that over the coarse of the trial we will prove that this is nothing but an attempt by conservative and right wing extremists including Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh to deprive my clients of their constitutional rights.”
PETA was quick to defend the fish as well, and pointed to a history of harassment, torture and murder by right wing extremists towards “Sea Kittens” such as the “innocent Delta Smelt”. PETA lawyer Pippi Limpet explained, further, that it is time that we stop calling these intelligent creatures “Fish” and begin to refer them as “Sea Kittens”, thus holding them in higher esteem and protecting their constitutional rights.
The case against the two Delta Smelt “Sea Kittens” came after a 400 page “Biological Opinion” was released recently by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. Commenting on the report, the Obama administration noted that “We all need to get along better together and establish a far reaching compromise between the human population which needs to eat and drink to survive and “Fish Kittens” such as the Delta Smelt who just want to live out their simple lives in the Sacramento-San Joaquin River Delta with their wives and children.”
LA Times contributor and author of “The Battle Over the Meaning of Everything”, Gordy Slack, identified four reasons that the Delta Smelt should be protected (ref. LA Times, October 21, 2007):
1- It is the law! – You can’t harm, harass or kill an endangered animal without a permit.
2- Saving the Delta Smelt also protects the ecosystem upon which they depend.
3- They are “impressive” fish that can tolerate both fresh and salt water.
4- “The Torah says that if you save an individual, you save an entire universe.”
Many Southern Californians fail to recognize the powerful logic shown by Mr. Slack, and believe that the rights of human beings to have drinking water and food is more important than the vague constitutional rights of a 3 inch sardine. Mrs. Joy Fishnet explained it this way, “How can a feed my children without food and water?” Mrs. Fishnet was also quick to include the fact that she and her family love to eat sardines on saltine crackers with a glass of milk after her kids come home from a hard day at school.
Meanwhile the case against the two Delta Smelt continues to build as members of the public are forced to cut back on water consumption. Fines are being levied against those who water their grass, hose their sidewalks or have leaky water pipes. Thus far only a handful of citizens from California have died as a result of the water restrictions, but their deaths are surrounded in controversy as the World Health Organization and the Center for Disease Control have also claimed that the deaths actually resulted from Swine Flu.
A large team of lawyers representing the two Delta Smelt fish have been hired by PETA and members of the ACLU to defend the tiny fish at all costs. Lead lawyer for the ACLU, Noah Respawnski, held an early morning press conference and leveled his first volley against those who are holding his clients when he said, “My clients are innocent of the charges that have been made against them. I am confident that over the coarse of the trial we will prove that this is nothing but an attempt by conservative and right wing extremists including Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh to deprive my clients of their constitutional rights.”
PETA was quick to defend the fish as well, and pointed to a history of harassment, torture and murder by right wing extremists towards “Sea Kittens” such as the “innocent Delta Smelt”. PETA lawyer Pippi Limpet explained, further, that it is time that we stop calling these intelligent creatures “Fish” and begin to refer them as “Sea Kittens”, thus holding them in higher esteem and protecting their constitutional rights.
The case against the two Delta Smelt “Sea Kittens” came after a 400 page “Biological Opinion” was released recently by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. Commenting on the report, the Obama administration noted that “We all need to get along better together and establish a far reaching compromise between the human population which needs to eat and drink to survive and “Fish Kittens” such as the Delta Smelt who just want to live out their simple lives in the Sacramento-San Joaquin River Delta with their wives and children.”
LA Times contributor and author of “The Battle Over the Meaning of Everything”, Gordy Slack, identified four reasons that the Delta Smelt should be protected (ref. LA Times, October 21, 2007):
1- It is the law! – You can’t harm, harass or kill an endangered animal without a permit.
2- Saving the Delta Smelt also protects the ecosystem upon which they depend.
3- They are “impressive” fish that can tolerate both fresh and salt water.
4- “The Torah says that if you save an individual, you save an entire universe.”
Many Southern Californians fail to recognize the powerful logic shown by Mr. Slack, and believe that the rights of human beings to have drinking water and food is more important than the vague constitutional rights of a 3 inch sardine. Mrs. Joy Fishnet explained it this way, “How can a feed my children without food and water?” Mrs. Fishnet was also quick to include the fact that she and her family love to eat sardines on saltine crackers with a glass of milk after her kids come home from a hard day at school.
Meanwhile the case against the two Delta Smelt continues to build as members of the public are forced to cut back on water consumption. Fines are being levied against those who water their grass, hose their sidewalks or have leaky water pipes. Thus far only a handful of citizens from California have died as a result of the water restrictions, but their deaths are surrounded in controversy as the World Health Organization and the Center for Disease Control have also claimed that the deaths actually resulted from Swine Flu.
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