"Dumber Than A Monkey With A Crayon"

Just prior to my graduation from the 8th grade into my first year in high school, I was required to take a placement test to help me decide what classes I should take the following year. The test was composed of several parts, which were supposed to help a school counselor know if I should take honors, college prep, regular, or maybe even remedial level classes. I did very well on all the parts of the exam except the true or false spelling test. This test consisted of 100 words, some spelled correctly and some spelled incorrectly. If the word was spelled correctly, I was to mark "True", and "False" if the word was spelled incorrectly. I remember looking down the list and thinking that all the words looked fine to me.

A few weeks after taking the test I met with a school counselor to learn how I had done. He briefly showed me the high marks and then turned my attention to the spelling test.

"Son," he started, "You only got 40%."

I remember thinking that it seemed a bit low to me, but what did I know. I was just a kid and he was a school counselor.

"That's pretty bad," he added, watching for some type of reaction, such as dialated pupils or sweaty palms. I could tell he had spent many years studying human behavior under stress in order to obtain his position in the school. Not seeing the reaction that I suppose he was expecting he continued, "You probably know, kid, that a monkey could get 50% on this test just by marking all of the answers "True".

Again his subtlety escaped my naive young mind. I didn't even know that monkeys took tests, let alone spelling tests. At this point he became impatient to make an impression on me.

"What I am saying kid," he stressed as the pitch of his voice increased, "is that you are dumber than a monkey with a crayon."

At this point the comparison between me and a hairy monkey finally sank in. I was awe struck. How could he say such a thing to a young impressionable child? He recommended that I take a remedial English class my first year as a high school freshman.

That night I went home and told my parents that I was dumber than a monkey with a crayon. They immediately questioned where I got such an awful idea. When I told them the entire story my loving father took me aside and told me that I was not dumb. Not only that, but he also said that I should sign up for college prep English class in high school. I did as he suggested and not only survived the first year, but also did well in English all four years in high school.

Following high school, I subsequently learned that I have what psychologists refer to as the "engineering gene". Research has shown that most people who possess this gene are poor spellers. However, this experience made a strong impression on my mind and I have always been aware of my limitations in spelling.

Thank goodness for dictionaries and "Spell Check".